Oddities 'n' Links
OK, here's where I'm dumping all the weird an' wonderful stuff that I find just lying around on the net! There are links to some sites that may be useful and/or interesting, and also sites that are just plain strange or funny. I'm also gonna put stuff like jokes and silly pix on here, in and amongst. Any suggestions/submissions for content, just e-mail em to me, the address is on the very first page of the site, ta! Goddzi xx
Try this great quiz! It's called "The Idiot Test"! Feel free to post your scores in the Guestbook and we'll find out how many idiots check out the site. LOL! By the way, I scored 7...
Anyone who's bored of Internet Explorer ought to try Mozilla Firefox.It's just been updated to a newer version 2 and it has some intriguing "Add-ons" available, such as "stumble-upon" which, after telling it a few of your likes/preferences has given me these next few links...
My kids say this is like trying to control a "drunk Spiderman"! Quite appropriate I'm sure you'll agree...
Then there's this one that's like the original video game "Pong!", but as viewed from behind the bat, in 3D!
Next it threw this scientific site at me! No, wait it's not that geeky, honest! It's a page of optical illusions, and the reasons why they work!...er...ok, maybe it is a little geeky...but it's fun!
How about expressing the artist in yourself by creating your own "Jackson Pollock"?
This one did my sons head in! Tee hee!
And this one was surprising, in that I didn't realise that "Alice in Wonderland" was once banned!
Finally, this site lets you upload pix (they have to be 60x50 pixels) and it shows them as type!
As soon as I get away from the Drunk Spiderman game, I'll see what else it can show me, and if you find any interesting ones ya think I should put on here, drop us a line at the usual e-mail with the link on it. Cheers!
Try this flash jigsaw game. They get progressively more difficult due to the number of pieces, but the twist is that all of them are blank, white jigsaws with no picture!!
A guy is sat next to a priest on a plane when the flight attendant comes past asking if people want drinks. The man asks for a rum and coke.
The attendant then asks the priest if he would care for a drink, to which the priest replies,
"I would sooner be raped by a dozen whores than let alcohol pass my lips!"
The man hands back his drink to the attendant and says "Me too! I didn't realise there was a choice!"
Like "Lemmings", in this game you have to create safe passage for a group of small defenseless, stupid cratures! They are "blots", and you draw what they walk on! My son played this for about 2 hours when I'd found it!! It's called "Scribble", don't forget you probably have other things to do in your life, eventually...at some point...possibly...
Hey, are ya feeling brave? Have some mystery links. There are no offensive ones, honest...
This is useful...
This could be fun...
Hmm, musical?
AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Typing trainer?
Can't remember this one...click it anyway!
And, lastly, another useful one!
Hope you enjoyed those, I did!
Wanna buy a tissue that was once used by someone famous? Go here and see what ya can find...
Remember "Bomberman" at the arcades? Wanna play it again? Then click here and go for it!
There's also a sequel...
Here's a cool site that kinda tells ya about all sorts of new tech toys...then takes the piss out of them!
There's a new TV series starting soon called "Starhyke". It's along the lines of Red Dwarf in that it's a Sci-fi sit-com. The really cool thing is some of the cast. There's Claudia Christian who played Susan Ivanova in "Babylon 5" and the guy who played Boba Fett in the original Star Wars trilogy as the slightly mad doctor! Check it out...
This games quite addictive! Don’t let the ball get to the top of the screen. Sounds easy enough…
Ya know the game, "Rock, Paper, Scissors"? Here's some tips on how to win almost every time!
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down...
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the offside rule, rugby, Page 3,or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Have you ever wondered...
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out."
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its arse."?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme shit why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people-trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on...
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Did you used to own a ZX Spectrum back in the day? Then you probably played "Chuckie Egg"...
Women are like apples on trees.
And... Men?
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
And in a similar vein…
What Women Want in a Man, Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet
“Tron” wasn’t the best film ever made by any stretch of the imagination. But, it did push the boundaries of CGI in movies, and also spawned a few cool games for the arcades. Like this one, the “Light Cycle” racing game.
When Apollo
Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On
Armstrong explained, "When I was a kid, I was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. My friend hit a fly ball that landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. My neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As I leaned down to pick up the ball, I heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Here’s a list of what PC World reckon are the 25 worst tech products…EVER!
Fancy playing a load of games…for FOUR SECONDS EACH!!?
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads: "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb.
As promised.
He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads: "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot!
This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze, so for the next four days, the same routine happens.
Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone, "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies," I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7 ft man standing there, wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads: "I'm Dave. If I catch you, you're mine..."
Procrastinate - why put off til tomorrow what ya can do next week!
Moral Dilemma
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. No one else will know, so you won't be fooling anyone but yourself if you give anything but a truthful answer.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember, your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please read slowly and thoughtfully, giving due consideration to each line.
Here's the situation:
You are in Louisiana; New Orleans to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of Biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making
photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer...somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's George W. Bush, President of the United States!! At the same
time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under...forever. You have two options - you can save the life of G.W. Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.
So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:
Would you select high-contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
Two prawns are swimming around in the Carribean Sea, dodging sharks, trying not to get eaten. One prawn, Justin, says to the other, "Ya know, Christian, I'm a bit peed off with all this, having to run away from stuff, lark. I wish I was a shark so I didn't have to worry anymore!"
All of a sudden a mysterious cod appeared...mysteriously! And he did say unto Justin, "Ye verily, I will grant thee thy wish!", and he promptly disappeared again!
Justin turned to his friend to speak, just in time to see the back of him disappear behind the nearest rock! He called out to Christian but didn't recognise his own voice for a second. He suddenly realised he was shark!
He swam about for a while enjoying his new worry free existence, but, soon he grew bored without his playmate and went to find him.
Every time he approached his old mucker though, Christian swam away, scared of the big shark!
For several months Justin tried to convince Christian it was him, but Christian was having none of it! He didn't trust sharks!
Eventually Justin decided there was only one course of action left to him, he must be changed back. So, off he went to find the strange fish that had done the deed!
Justin searched far and wide for the piscine and eventually found him. He explained his situation and was delighted to be given the affirmative and returned to his natural state of being!
Justin swam as fast as his tiny fins would take him back to his pal's house on the sea bed! As he approached he called out, "Great news! I found Cod! I'm a prawn again, Christian!"
Here's a "Fun Movie Quiz"! If ya get 'em all...mail me, I'm a bit stuck on a couple of 'em! And, I'm puzzled how they've spelt the LOTR film title, cos no matter what I put in, it keeps saying I'm wrong! How many films can you think of that have Orlando Bloom dressed as an Elf, firing a bow and arrow!!!
"The Last Photo I Ever Took" competition winners...
A priest wakes one Sunday, to find a glorious sunny day! He decides he'd rather be playing golf on a day such as this, and convinces his curate he's ill and will have to do the mass for him. Then he drives off to a golf course 40 miles away, so no-one from his parish is likely to spot him.
When he gets to the first tee, he realises he has the course to himself as everyone else is in church!
Watching from Heaven, St. Peter turns to the Lord and asks why He is letting the priest get away with this?
Just then, the priest takes his first shot. An almighty swing that heads straight down the fairway toward the tee, drops nicely on the green, and rolls sedately to the hole, and rolls in! A 420 yard hole-in-one!!
St. Peter again asks the Lord why he let the priest do this. To which the Lord replies, "Who's he going to tell?"
WOMAN'S OWN - Top Tips that never made it!
Circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain And check that it has gone.
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.
Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place, you fat b***** d.
Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cake again.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.
Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one.
Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference.
Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your roof.
Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so It may as well look like one.
A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging your feet twice on each stair.
At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.
Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All he's interested in is seeing you naked.
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
Housewives. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
Things we learned from watching Movies
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
15. All single women have a cat.
16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
23. Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.
24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son’s eighth birthday.
27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Wanna know which "celebs" ya look like? Here's a site that'll do it for ya! Registration is free...
The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday following yesterday's disasterous performance.
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Montoya's bird in the
shower.
What do you call an Eskimo chav? Innuinnit
Why are Chavs like slinkies? They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs!
What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
What's the first question at a Chav quiz night? "What you lookin' at?"
Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame? A Nova seats 4
What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river? A start.
A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee,"Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."
Here's some website url's they really should have thought twice about:
Need a therapist? Then try:
http://www.therapistfinder.com
Need a pen, then try Pen Island:
http://www.penisland.net
Or perhaps you'd like to visit to the Mole Station Native Nursey:
http://www.molestationnursery.com
Are you a programmer and want to share your advice?:
http://www.expertsexchange.com
Who Represents?, A database for agencies to the rich and famous:
http://www.whorepresents.com
And there is an Italian Power company:
http://www.powergenitalia.com
And finally... if you need Gas or Central Heating you might like to try:
http://www.gasheating.co.uk
They're all real, so feel free to check em out!
5 Winning Smart Ass Answers For 2005
Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat and flashed at her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not
your stub."
*****************
Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
*******************
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the
cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.
*******************
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to
the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
*******************
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.......................
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury
or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was
restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head
and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
other hand."
Highlights of the year in a blonde's life....
January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy, because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter to type a label.
March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, because the box said "2-4 years."
April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid ,because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.
August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger, because it was starting to rain and the top was down.
September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C."
October - Hates M & M's because they are so hard to peel.
November - Couldn't call 911, because there was no button with "11" on it
December - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120 lbs.
Always wanted to know what the question to the ultimate answer of Life, the Universe and Everything is? Then click here for some suggestions...
Dear Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I
had used for years without any trouble.
However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the
only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other
applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware
program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system,
forcing me to shut down completely for several
weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the
same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each
other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product
soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up
all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and
Cleanhouse2005.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very
unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored
in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months
later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic
Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch
TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and
I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring
ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to
be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my
Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which
can't be turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be
problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0
detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before
uninstalling itself.
Help requested please
I like this game A LOT! It plays at the speed of the backing music, so when there are slow bits in the songs it S-L-O-W-S D-O-W-N and when the music speeds up, so does the guy ya control! And considering the music is by bands such as Inhume, and Regurgitate, ya can imagine how fast it goes!! It's called "Zombie Grinder!" Try it!
A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say's hello.
He's rather taken a back, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says "do you know me?" to which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my kids."